A Little Help from My Coach

When do We Need Life Coaching

When I was being peer-coached as part of my accreditation training, I found an unexpected insight about myself that completely reset my whole perspective towards my life. The prompt? A powerful question directed at me: “You mentioned you have always been acting rationally, but why do you also say you regret all the big decisions in your life?” This evoked much introspection following the session because it contradicted what I thought I knew about myself. I needed to talk to my peer coaches to explore the implications of this revelation about my life and how I can benefit from it. At that very momentous instant, I understood how impactful coaching can be to anyone’s life, because this is what coaching essentially is – a catalyst for personal transformation.

We all need a form of mindful support for intentional self-reflection and continuous personal development in order to live our best personal and professional life. While we have people whom we can turn to for advice and help, they might not be the most objective or discerning when it comes to analysing and evaluating situations. This is where engaging a life coach can change your life. Oprah Winfrey once said of her experience with her coach Martha Beck, “Coaching helps you stop the crazy mind chatter in your head that tells you all the time that you’re not good enough.”

So when would you know that you need a life coach to make that change?

GOALS REALISATION
One of my clients worked hard in the hope that he will get promoted to become a director in his company, but found himself waking up every morning feeling distinctively unsatisfied and lost.

Many of us are running in the same rat race – chasing after goals that do not truly make us happy and fulfilled, because there is a lack of clarity in what we really want in life. When you work with a life coach, you will start to explore the hidden 90% of your consciousness that reveal blind spots, inner-truths and secrets that you have not recognised, acknowledged or accepted. This new information will create more self-awareness and understanding, and give you control on how you can shape your own authentic life experiences, find your personal passions and life purposes.

LIFE TRANSITIONS
Whether it is a relationship change or job transition, a life coach will be able to place the spotlight of attention squarely on the client just when they need it and keep them grounded through the changes. When was the last time you felt truly heard?

Big life changes are hard to face alone. Therefore, having someone give you unconditional attention, empower you to reframe your personal narratives, identify your strengths and hidden opportunities makes it that much easier for you to prepare for a new phase in your life.

OVERCOMING FEAR
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone, there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” – Frank Herbert, Dune

Fear is a killer to our personal growth and can be incredibly paralysing. Virgin Group Chairman and Founder, billionaire Richard Branson has a well-known fear of public speaking. Imagine if he had stayed in his comfort zone and not confronted his crippling dread of talking to crowds. He would not have been able to engage the public, bring valuable exposure and raise the profile of his company. A life coach is there to help the client change his/her perspective towards his/her fears and use it as a force for success.

“Coaching is unlocking people’s potential to maximize their own performance. It is more often helping them to learn rather than teaching them.”

– John Whitmore, founder of the GROW model of coaching.

Fear can be represented by self-limiting beliefs that surface during coaching conversations and they show up strongest when someone needs courage to take risks for change. A client gained self-awareness when she realised that she had been making irrational excuses for staying in her current job because she was afraid to venture out into the unknown. We tend to tell ourselves stories in order to protect ourselves, and it is the role of a life coach to help the client identify and change this mindset.

FEELING OVERWHELMED
There are times when we feel inundated by emotions, past failures and responsibilities, and it seems impossible to shake them off. While a therapist would delve into past events that cause present issues and problems, a coach may focus more on the current situation and hopes for the future – helping clients to acknowledge and confront experiences that hold them back, then transcend beyond them.

Coaching acts on the basis that helping a person goes beyond simply looking at the problem at hand. A whole person is made up of different parts: heart, mind, body and spirit. Everything is inexorably interlinked. Every action has potential implications and ripple effects that go beyond what is obvious at first glance. In a coaching conversation, the client will gain a better perspective into his/her circumstances, understand the larger picture at play and make more effective decisions.

SELF-DESTRUCTIVE HABITS
Most of us are aware that we are the driving force behind our own happiness and success; yet, sometimes, we still unwittingly self-sabotage. We can lose our state of equilibrium by eating or drinking too much, hurting ourselves or people we hold dear, or neglecting important areas in our lives for instant gratification. My clients recognise these issues, but many of them do not have the clarity and resilience to break out of destructive patterns. Coaches are trained to listen and observe on a deeper level that can help their clients. They uncover deeper meanings behind the themes surrounding the issues – the client’s vision, values and purpose; as well as any resistance, fear, backsliding and insecurities. This way, coaches will be able to use their judgement to raise powerful questions that will challenge their clients’ self-perceptions and forge breakthroughs to facilitate personal transformation. A good coach also acts as a mirror for the client to view reality, such as areas for improvement, potential and opportunities, and open their minds to change. This is a process that can be intimate and personalised, which brings me to my next point.

COACHING AS A RELATIONSHIP
Coaching is a potent relationship. The coach and client collaborate to forge an equal, honest, respectful, compassionate and empathetic alliance to address the goals of the client. The coach assumes the client to have the strength, capability and desire to achieve his/her potential. The key belief is that coaching is symbiotic. Instead of merely having one party analyse and solve the problem, a collaborative relationship creates an opportunity for proactive and creative progress together. When the strategy or plan is conceived, the coach will keep the client accountable and committed to the achievement of the goals.

Successful people do not leave progress to chance. They know what they want and take full responsibility for their own vision of growth. But success goes beyond planning and strategies. On the road to change, it can be daunting to tackle the many challenges that may come your way on your own. Having a life coach will ensure that you do not have to face all your problems alone. He/she can help you to reach your goals faster and more effectively than doing it by yourself.

This article was written for Prime magazine Singapore’s Nov edition in 2020 by Ms Goh SiJin